This week, I want to share something I read in the book Iron Hope by James Lawrence. For a bit of background, James Lawrence was the keynote speaker at our NATE UNITE show this last February. He’s an endurance athlete who is known as the “Iron Cowboy” because he has broken the world record for the number of consecutive full Iron Man triathlons – 100 triathlons in 100 consecutive days. The “cowboy” part comes because when his kids were little, he’d compete wearing a cowboy hat, so they’d easily see him coming, and the nickname stuck with him.
His presentation was amazing – you could hear a pin drop in that room – and our Chairman of the Board gifted the entire staff with a copy of his book, which I also got signed when I met James. I highly recommend it. It’s a really good read about perseverance and challenging yourself far beyond what you think you’re capable of.
While I was reading earlier this week, there was one line that stood out to me. It said: “I’m not going to be victimized by trauma and you don’t need to be either. Your past doesn’t need to define your future. Your brain can be healed and retrained.”
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how it seems like so many people nowadays are constantly victimizing themselves and allowing something that happened to them – sometimes many, many years ago – to influence the decisions they make for the future. Don’t get me wrong, I’m plenty guilty of it too. But I also believe I’ve done a good job of pushing back against that “victimhood” mentality.
When I was in high school, I was a bit of an outcast. I was teased and made fun of, and other than the swim team, I didn’t really fit in anywhere. There were days where I truly felt like a loser. When I graduated, it would have been easy to take that feeling and allow it to define me for the future.
But instead of allowing myself to become a victim, I took it as an opportunity to redefine who I was. Like James said in his book: my past doesn’t define my future. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and pushed myself to become a better version of myself. I moved across the country where I didn’t know anyone and gave myself a fresh start, and it was exactly what I needed.
It took some time, but eventually I found my confidence. I don’t feel like a loser anymore and I honestly love almost every aspect of my life now. Would that still be the case if I had allowed myself to play the victim for the rest of my life and wallow in self pity? Probably not.
Before I met Dan, I was in a pretty bad relationship. By the time I finally got out, I was so mentally broken I was sure I’d die alone. For so long I was told I was less than what I really was and that I was unlovable, that I truly started to believe it. I had every right to label myself as a victim and allow those feelings to consume me.
But I didn’t. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew it wasn’t true. I knew I was worthy of love, and I’d find someone who saw that too. Again, it took some time, but I put myself out there and tried again. And if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have ever found Dan. And not only does he make me feel so incredibly loved, but he makes me wonder why I ever thought less of myself to begin with. I owe a lot of credit to Dan on this one, but I was able to retrain my brain – just like James said in his book – and move on from my past.
Everyone has some kind of trauma that has happened to them at some point. Some trauma is obviously bigger and more serious than others, but everyone has something, and none of it needs to define how your future is going end up. Do whatever it takes to avoid falling victim to your past. Move to a different city, make new friends, go to therapy – whatever it is you need to do, I encourage you to do it. Life is too short to be unhappy for whatever time we have left.
And as always, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. I don’t pretend to be an expert by any means, but I’m always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on.
Until next time! 🙂
Megan Nelson